


A Series of Unfortunate Dates

by Isola_Caramella



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Valentine's Day Fluff, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-03-01 21:57:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13304124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isola_Caramella/pseuds/Isola_Caramella
Summary: When bad dates happen to good people





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t had the drive to write in months so I sort of challenged myself to fight through and write. This is what I ended up with. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading and commenting on my other works. Hoping to get it together soon and update.

“You’re not even going to offer to pay for dinner?”

Brienne wanted to tell him to take a flying leap off of the Sept of Balor but decided against it. Hurrying their waitress along in her mind so she could go, quickly.

“I tried to give you a chance but you are so unfocused and an underachiever. You’re not attractive enough to act like this. I thought you’d be worth the opportunity cost because of your dad but you’re not even smart enough to be grateful.”

The urge to bloody his nose wasn’t even strong, just a mild twitch in her right arm. Hyle Hunt had been charming enough on their first date, surprisingly asking for a second before they’d parted ways for the night and reaching out to her during the two weeks it took for them to get to date two. He’d even managed not to send gratuitous dick pics.

“Well, that’s my loss isn’t it? Have a great weekend and thank you for dinner.”

As Brienne walked back to her work building from the restaurant, she grabbed her cell phone to call her sister, somewhere on Tarth creating havoc instead of being on campus studying as Brienne had been at that age. Arianne had gotten a slightly better bargain in the looks department, she was average while Brienne was homely at best.

“Hey sis.”

“I take back everything I said about Hyle Hunt. He’s a jerk.”

“Oh gods. What happened?”

“He said spending time with me wasn’t worth the opportunity cost since I’m an underachieving bum. That’s paraphrased of course.”

A loud clap of laughter sounded in Brienne’s ear as she pulled the door to LBC open and waved at the security guards. Heading to the elevators to go upstairs and collect her tube pass and backpack. She listened to her sister’s delighted laughter for twelve floors before she heard the elevator ding.

“I’m happy you’re enjoying this.”

“Come on Brie! Who in the hells says bull like opportunity cost? He’s a loser. He probably wanted you to pay. Brie? Brieeeee? Oh gods he did didn’t he?” Ari’s choked wheezing made Brienne laugh too.

“Gods he did. He was offended I didn’t offer. Hyle has an honest face and he pretended to be interested in me for longer than most.”

“Hot Boss is interested. He’s TOTALLY interested. Plus he’s hot. Win win.”

“Mr. Lannister is hardly interested in me. He treats me as a respected employee and has made sure I’ve gotten really good opportunities here Ari.”

“Notice you didn’t deny him being hot. And you really know how to understate shit Brie not the cheese. You went from staff writer to show runner quicker than I learned fractions.”

“Shut up. I can’t find my tube pass, and I was sure I left it on my desk. I changed, put my work clothes in my backpack and the pass on my desk so I could grab it and go.”

“Why don’t you just buy a car? Or I don’t know find a taxi? Go home so we can video call. I’m going back to campus once I finish here.”

“Car insurance and a car payment equal my mortgage. Tube pass is fifty dragons a month. Going with the tube pass. Where are you?”

“Meeting girlfriend number one of the new year. This one is from the Summer Islands and closer to dad’s age than ours. She’s a great cook at least. I have leftovers for the next three days. I hope she makes it to summer. I’ll send you a picture. Posting one on Instagram later.”

“I doubt she’ll make it to spring. Obligatory hundred dragons in your pool. I’ll text you when I get home. I have to change my shoes and put on my tights.”

“Not in that order I hope.”

Brienne hit the red button to end her call and straightened up to find Jaime Lannister standing behind her with one naturally arched eyebrow cocked at her. The night could indeed get worst.

“Mr. Lannister, hello.”

“Mr. Lannister? Warrior give me strength, it’s been two years Brienne. You can call me Jaime, as everyone else does.” He replied, heavy on the sarcasm. “Hot date?”

“I’d make a great contestant on the show if it were real. I’d probably have better luck. Good night Jaime.” Brienne joked. Slipping on her backpack and evading Jaime as best as she could. Hot Boss indeed.

New monthly pass secured, Brienne waited for the train to River Row station, checking her schedule for the of the Television Writers MasterClass being hosted at the Royal Theatre. Goodwin was able to get her squeezed in at the last minute before Jaime had suddenly gifted her with the show runner position on LBC’s now most popular reality show. There was no accounting for what audiences watched.

 

Sansa S.  
  
**Today** 10:15 PM  
Internet dating sucks just as much as regular dating  
  
Tell me about it! Remember Harry the “heir” gods. I thought you said Hyle seemed okay?  
  
Seemed was right. He said I was wasted opportunity cost, couldn’t give him a five year life plan on the second date.   
  
Who says that??? WTF does that even mean? Sorry Brienne. I have a date with some guy named Ramsey my Uncle Petyr set up. He’s weirdly cute. I like his eyes.  
  
Good luck, has to be better than being wasted opportunity cost lol. I have the writing class tomorrow so that’s good.  
  
Oh hey! My cousin Jon is doing a training course in KL and bringing his friend. I could set up a meet and greet?  
  
I’ll think about it. It can’t possibly be as bad as Hyle.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Dad  
  
**Today** 8:39PM  
Dad HELP!!!!  
  
HELP

Sansa owed Brienne. Her first born, a million dragons, a facial at Melisandre’s with the lava stones. Anything.

“I have four strong boys and with those hips I see at least four more.” The red haired “husband of bears” said as he eyed Brienne. The oil from his pork chop dribbling into his disheveled beard. 

It had taken her the first twenty minutes to realize the nose hair burning stench wafting over to her was from her date and not a bathroom or kitchen malfunction. 

“You have children?” Brienne squeaked through the violent need to retch. 

“Aye,” The beer king replied, pulling out a wallet that looked older than Brienne, by at least a decade. “This one here is Toregg, he’s the first. That’s Torwyn, Dryn and Dormund...”

“Dormund?”

Dad  
  
Daddddddd  
  


Brienne desperately and as discreetly as possible tapped out her SOS. Glad her date had zero etiquette and was not at all troubled that she had her phone out at the dinner table.

“Aye! Named after his dear old dad. Now here’s the apple of me eye. My own sweet Munda. She broke a lad’s nose at school just last week.”

Of all the nights for Pod not to work. 

“You’re a big woman Brienne,” her date complimented, his tongue rolling along his oiled bottom lip.

J. Lannister  
  
help me  
  


“Thank you?”

“No lass, thank you. You’re the closest thing I’ve seen to a bear in years.”

“Oh there you are love! I’ve been looking for you. We have to go now. Dreadful emergency. Mister? I didn’t catch your name but I’m so sorry to cut your date short . She’s the only one who can fix this mess.” A beautiful angel said as she grabbed Brienne’s bag and phone. 

Her knight in shining armor was shorter by a foot and had a face full of mischief. 

“How the hell did you get stuck with that?”

“Blind date,” Brienne sighed in relief. The fresh air, as fresh as King’s Landing air would ever get, poured into her lungs as she stepped out into the crisp night.

“Yikes. I’ll take secretly gay ex who’s now dating my brother for a thousand. Margaery Tyrell at your service.”

“Brienne Tarth. Thank you. Truly. I tried to text my dad and sister but no one did the emergency call.”

“Gods, no, thank you,” Margaery laughed. “That’s more entertainment than I’ve seen in ages. When he kept going on about fucking a she bear after the appetizers, well, it could only go up from there.”

Brienne shivered in disgust. She’d always hated that people only saw her body as some sort of deficiency and now she knew the opposite end of that particular spectrum could be as irritating. The middle. She just needed someone in the middle. 

The vibrating phone made her yelp, terrified Mr. Bear would be calling. Jaime’s picture calming her nerves minutely.

“Jaime?”

“Are you okay?” The slight alarm in his out of breath voice sent her heartbeat racing. Gods she was hopeless.

“Yes? Why are calling?”

“You just sent me a text message to help you.” 

“I did?” Brienne pulled the phone away enough to open her message screen to see she’d pressed his name instead of Arianne’s. “My apologies! I thought I’d sent that to my sister.”

The sound of a treadmill started up as she hurried to keep up with her new companion. “Interesting. What did you need help with?”

“It’s just our signal to call to get out of a bad date. I’m fine. Sorry to disturb you.” Brienne looked up to see Margaery had taken them to a college bar a block over. 

“You just had a date last week.”

“Yes. There’s not a requisite number of dates one is allowed to go on.”

“You’ll be happy to know you can take your talents to Dorne starting next week. They want to start a spin off series there. Bloody stupid show. If Dorne is successful you’ll be able to pitch your show to my father with ease. You’ve filled his coffers with the proverbial Lannister gold of old. Goodbye Brienne.” Jaime hung up before she could respond.

Margaery had been kind enough to order a shot of cinnamon whiskey which Brienne downed rapidly; welcoming the burning sensation. Revulsion ran through her again as she thought of his unkempt red beard.

“Two more please,” Margaery called to the bartender. “Drinks are on me since I left my brother alone to finish dinner. We can have our own date.” 

“Sorry,” Brienne groaned, a blush warming her face.

“Please, he’s sleeping with my ex. Who never slept with me, by the way. He deserves it. Though I’m dating my other ex’s younger brother now.”

Brienne spent the rest of the night teetering between shock and mirth. Margaery salvaging what would have been the worst date of her life. 

Margaery’s phone trilled loudly from her pocket.

“Oh, this is him. Get a younger man Brienne, boundless energy. Don’t expect deep conversation mind you. Now you must call me when you get back from Dorne. We’ll have lunch,” Margaery said as she kissed Brienne’s cheek. Purring into the glowing phone as she left Brienne to wait for a taxi.

The back of the car smelled like cologne and leather, making Brienne slightly dizzy. Her hope of having a date for Red Goddess Day was dwindling quickly. Another year of having no one. It would be one more year to add to every other.

Sansa S.  
  
**Today** 11:23 PM  
I did not think it was possible but that guy made Hyle seem like a catch.  
  
Oh gods! I’m on the phone with Jon now, his friend is desperate to see “the big woman” again. I’m sorry. I love you! Ramsey was a creep too. He wore a Flaymaster shirt to the vineyard and spent way too much time telling me about his killer dogs. Not sure what Uncle Petyr was thinking.  
  
Not even if the Mother, Maiden and Crone themselves told me to. He has FIVE kids. And he eats with his hands. I have a work trip to Dorne according to Jaime. Will try one last date once I get back and after that I’m on hiatus.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

“Fuck Rhaegar Targaryen,” Oberyn Martell spat so viciously Brienne wanted to apologize on the dead man’s behalf. “My only wish would be for him to be alive so I could kill him with my bare hands.”

Brienne had had no clue about the intricacies of the relationship between the Starks, Targaryens and Martells, and now she was getting a crash course. Sansa had only ever mentioned that Jon had come to live with her family after his mother died in childbirth, much like hers and she’d asked no questions. To find out he had been the product of an affair gone dreadfully awry wasn’t why she’d come to Dorne. 

“Do you know that bastard came here, HERE, to Dorne to marry that rat faced bitch under all of our noses. He came to Elia’s home. There are levels of disrespect even I am incapable of Ms. Tarth. So yes, I will do your show. I want everyone in Westeros to know what a craven man Rhaegar Targaryen was. That boy? His boy with Lyanna? They tried to name him Aegon. As though my nephew were nothing. As though he had no value. His uncle changed it with the only brain cells left to the bloody Starks.” 

If Tywin Lannister wanted ratings, he was going to have them. Rhaegar’s death had rocked all of Westeros. Everyone had loved the prince, had waited patiently for his coronation. Only to have him die tragically. Though if Brienne knew LBC’s owner, this would not be news. This would be another shot in the arm for their sagging viewership numbers. Tywin was cold and calculating and could switch gears to what would get him advertising dollars in an increasingly fickle market. Royals of King’s Landing had been a fluke, a throwaway given to her because no show runner worth their salt wanted to be attached to spoiled, drunk, entitled hanger ons that happened to be barely recognized as members of the various branches of the royal families still recognized in Westeros. 

Gendry and Shireen Baratheon had been diamonds in the rough, one advocating for her disability and the other handsome and rough around the edges. Little Edric rounded the Baratheons. Enough drama to scratch the itch but Brienne had learned long ago drama was overrated. Focusing more on authenticity, what drove the people in front of the camera to put themselves in front of the camera. It worked. And now they wanted her to do it again.

“I am sorry about your sister,” Brienne empathized. “I lost my brother and a sister and if I lost Arianne, I’m not sure what I’d do.”

Manipulating people was not a natural instinct, Brienne worked best with the truth. Using some facet of the truth served her better, it kept her from blushing and stammering which she had spent years working on. Oberyn was easy going, even sitting in the palace gardens. He would be the only true member of the Dorne royal family on the show but he would be enough of a draw by himself, so long as there were one or two more gripping personalities. 

“Will you be in Dorne often?” Oberyn asked as Brienne put her phone away.

“Not so much during filming, even though this is reality television, there’s very little that’s not decided in advanced. Shooting locations, central theme. Things like that. Your brother is against filming at the palace, so I’ll be in Dorne frequently until all shooting locations are approved and contracts signed. After that I’ll be here one to two times a month.”

“Lovely, now please, you must join Ellaria and I for dinner tomorrow.”


End file.
